The Mask Gets Heavy

The Mask Gets Heavy: Women, ADHD and the Things We Don't Say Out Loud

Photo credit: Marieke Zwartscholten

By Nicolette Lazarus, Womanship Founder & Chief Connection Officer

I should probably start with a confession. A surprising number of people have asked me whether I have ADHD. And honestly? I think I probably do.

Have I found the time to properly explore that? Of course not.

I'm passionate about wellness. And yet, like so many women, I rarely seem to find enough time for my own. The irony isn't lost on me.

I've spent years being the high-functioning one. People-pleasing. Doing too much. Remembering a ridiculous number of things while somehow completely forgetting others… and myself. Appearing to cope long after I wasn't. And eventually, quietly, burning out.

I don't know whether ADHD is part of my story. I'm not diagnosed, and I'm conscious of not casually claiming something that has a very real impact on the lives of women who are. But I do know something about masking. And I know a great deal more now about what women carry without telling anybody.

The sentence that started Womanship

During lockdown, my partner and I fell down a research rabbit hole about perimenopause. It quickly spread into just about every women's taboo topic you can imagine.

After weeks of it, he turned to me and said:

"I can't believe that given the amount you women talk, you don't talk about the really important stuff."

I've repeated that sentence to countless women since. A dry smile. A gentle nod. Uncomfortable laughter. Recognition.

Because we do talk. But that doesn't necessarily mean we share what's really going on.

That realisation eventually became Womanship. Our research with more than 500 women reinforced it:

• Three in four had had a worry on their mind in the previous week.
• Only 29% felt they could be completely open and honest, even with their closest friends.

Embarrassment. Fear of judgement. Not wanting to be a burden. Now add ADHD.

Masking: the work nobody sees

ADHD in women, like so many aspects of women's health and wellbeing, has historically been under-recognised and under-researched. Masking is part of that conversation: hiding, compensating, developing systems, working harder and trying not to let anyone see the things you think ‘everyone else’ manages effortlessly.

And that's where ADHD connects with something much bigger for me. Because women mask all sorts of things.

Pain. Exhaustion. Anxiety. Menopause symptoms. Relationship problems. Financial worries. Loneliness. Caring responsibilities. Sometimes we mask the sheer cognitive load of trying to hold everything together.

The woman sitting opposite you may look completely composed. You don't see that she barely slept. You don't see the conversation with her teenager, the parent she's caring for, the appointment she's worried about, the money problems or the dozen unfinished things circling her head.

You see the woman who turned up. And because she turned up, you assume she's fine.

This year, high-functioning burnout taught me something I wish I'd understood much earlier: Being able to function is not the same as being OK.

Life isn't lived in silos

And this is something I think we still get wrong about women's health. We separate everything. ADHD over here. Menopause over there. Mental health somewhere else. Sleep, nutrition, relationships, work, caring responsibilities - each in its own little box.

But that's not how we experience our lives.

Our mental health affects our physical health. Hormones can affect sleep, mood and concentration. Relationships affect wellbeing. Work follows us home and what's happening at home follows us to work. Sometimes what looks like one thing is connected to several others.

At Womanship, we call this Connected Holistic Health: looking at the whole woman and the whole of her life, not simply the symptom or problem she happens to be experiencing today.

Instead of immediately asking: "Why can't I cope?"

Perhaps we should ask: "What am I actually coping with?"

What happens when we say it out loud?

There's a problem with keeping it all inside. Nobody knows you need anything.

Research into online ADHD communities published in 2025 found that people weren't simply exchanging practical information. They were finding emotional support, social connection and a sense of belonging too. That matters.

In Womanship's own research, 75% of women told us they feel better simply by being able to share. Not necessarily fix it. Not receive a seven-point action plan. Just say it.

Sometimes the validation of another woman saying "Me too" is where understanding begins.

But sharing isn't always enough. Sometimes we need somebody with the professional expertise to help us understand what's happening - a coach, therapist, doctor, psychologist or another health and wellness practitioner.

And sometimes the professional we need isn't the one we initially expected. What looks like a concentration problem might lead to a conversation about sleep. What starts with menopause might uncover something about work, relationships, nutrition or mental health.

Community helps us realise we're not alone. A connected network of verified professionals can help us explore what we need next. We need both.

That's Womanship

This is why I built Womanship. Not because women need another platform telling us how to optimise ourselves. Quite frankly, I think we're optimising ourselves to death.

Womanship is a community for women and verified health and wellness professionals, built around one simple belief: When women share more, they worry less.

Women can safely share the things that really matter - anonymously if they choose - find conversations and events relevant to what's happening in their lives, and connect with professionals across different areas of health and wellbeing.

Because sometimes you need: "Is it just me?" / "No. Me too."

And sometimes you need: "No, it's not just you. And I can help."

That's the village we're building. Not another health silo. A place to share, connect and find the right support to help more of us move from simply coping to thriving.

Loosen it a little

You don't have to take the whole mask off. Not today. Just loosen it a little. With one person. In one conversation.

What's one thing you've been carrying that you haven't said out loud yet? And if you're not ready to say it out loud, that's OK too. Come and find us.

Because you've found Womanship through Yann and Coach4ADHD, I'd love to offer you your first year of Womanship membership free while we're building this community together.

Join Womanship at womanship.co using code YANN. Share more. Worry less.

This article is for general information and is not medical advice. If you're struggling with your mental health, please talk to your huisarts or a mental health professional.